midnight confessions

last day of november
it rains here.

but I won't be there to leave you

i've been listening to this on repeat all day. i have about 1 million things to do, and yet, i've been laying around in bed listening to pavement. don't really know how to explain what i'm feeling right now- are there ever any words for heart stuff?
sometimes i wish i ran off to the islands like i promised back in 01. i'd be selling flip flops, surfing, working on my tan.

but much like this tune, something just fucking drives me in other directions. well now its done & drove us into the fucking wall and we've collided and it seems like i'm never going to repair myself. why can't things just be perfect like love supposed to be? ugh, we dont have to be such superstars. i'll let you as long as you can promise to keep me happy.
we both cant win at this.
i miss summer breezes on our pilsen rooftop.
gentle morning conversations, still sleepy eyes-caressing eyebrows
songs for cats
dandy warhols on long car rides
our photobooth wall-
why cant we ever take a perfect picture like we did that one day back in 04'?
when i held your hand cus i pretended it felt cold
& you held back
at dj hell
or the time we stayed up all night before my flight
bc i wouldn't see you
for three weeks.
we hung out in my car
wasnt there a spot on a beanbag ?
but we wanted to be together so we took the long way home
sans highways
& you called me everyday that summer that i couldn't find work
and i picked up on the first ring
like i wasn't even trying to be cool.
and you surprised me didnt you?
that little note you hid
that wasn't uncovered for months.
you poured your heart out
luve or love
i couldnt tell your o's from your u's
it was a o
!!!
it was an o!!!
and i danced around my room in a striped dress
that i bought for you
cos it made me feel pretty
& i told the waitress on our date
that we were celebrating our
10 year wedding anniversary
& the closing of our new home
was it too soon?
we were only 23
who would believe it?
she brought us our salad.

and i drew for you.
almost everyday.
i made you wonderful things.
mixtapes galore.
your favorite began with psychedelic furs

and we woke up extra early on your birthday to get breakfast,
though it was my favorite thing to do.
and i held you close when you were too drunk
you showed me your tattoo on the bathroom floor.
i've only seen you cry once
best friend
& i prayed at his funeral for the first time in years
i know you died a bit that day
driving cross country
with xm radio
i was made for loving you baby
you were made for loving meeeeeeeeeee
when did you wake up
and forget these things?
ill leave them under your pillow
like a kid who places teeth
so rotten from chocolate milk.
oh
and we talked about sad bastard music for the sad bachelor
was it you
or was it me
agreeing that beck's -sea change was perfect for those nights
i smoked so much that my heart raced
i didnt tell you on the blue line
i thought i would stop working

how long did we stay awake
even though we lay in bed.
promised things were different between us-
shes just a girl,
a girl you wantttt
who's going to dance with me now?

big mouth strikes again

oldie but goodie...

smashing pumpkins
off the very rad david lynch, 1997, lost highway soundtrack.
so good.

hey little girl

black friday post shopping! can you believe i've been shopping all day?!
scored some cute stuff-
so it was a good day!
pics later
:)

my whole life has passed before my eyes

because i hate you.

because i love you.

alacazam put a sham down

man
i havent done any posting on clothes lately. well mostly because i've been broke and gloomy.
yah, even a happy- go- lucky gal, such as yours truly, gets down in the dumps sometime....
insert ::::: blah bloop blob
i try to pick up shifts around school doing odd ends to make a little extra spending cash..
well thank goodness for that! because i've been able to save up a little and buy some new things!!
most important!!!!!!
are these:


MARTIN MARGIELA DEGRADE COWBOY BOOTS!!!
i scored them super super super cheap
and i couldn't resist the opportunity to own these..both ethereal & man made given their nature of being cowboy boots!
and i have lots of people who disagree with me on this purchase. my friend thinks they look like a pair of cowboy boots that have been attacked by a spray can...
he gave me a good laugh!
either way, these are gems & i'm so thrilled to add them to my collection.

hindsight

shouting in a bucket blues

takin me back to better days...

so we can start over again

you thought of everything but one thing you forgot is you're wrong

i think i've been deceived by someone.
i dont know how to react right now
and i am going to try to remain calm about the situation
till i know exactly what the truth is.
i feel so down now.
i could cry.
fuck
blah
going to wrap myself in my bed till i can figure things out.
:(
or better yet, go get a few drinks.

cold blooded old times

i have totally slept on posting this. i think it came out in october. its a really incredible spread. first, thanks to it being inspired by tim burton and the clothes are pretty rad too.






this isn't even the entire spread...and i do have a copy and if i ever get my stupid scanner set up i should throw these up on the web because they really are something.
happy friday!

there goes the neighborhood

yah yah

i know i always gush on this guy...but seriously, he makes some of the coolest shirts around and he's super hilarious too..so why not spread the love.
peeped theblood is the new black and totally want this new brendan donnelly tee


think i would prefer to rock it in black, but the white is pretty A plus plus too.
check him out

just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it

so its hard for me to pick my favorite english beat song..because this is totally one of my favorite bands ever...
!!!!

but enjoy this cut.
god.
so.
right.
on.

what goes on in your mind

HOLY CRAP!
HOW much would I LOOOOOOOOOVE to wear this to yale's big design party this december!
ohh god..its so gorgeous.



at a $520 bones, dont think i will be purchasing anytime soon..but hopefully the sale will come up and scoring helmut lang at $300 would be a small price to pay so that i can look sharp.
its super abstract and i really don't know what is going on with this piece..but i think thats my immediate attraction. otherwise, i dont know how well the pleats would look over the breast area. thats always a tricky subject for me-but i would love to try it on and try to work with it...i am thinking my hair blow dried out, super straight with some minimal makeup and a nice black suede stacked pump.
p.s. what the hell is going on with this model...?

sooner or later

so i have to make this purse, well its more of a clutch in my sewing class..but let me share a little secret with you all...
i design and draw...but keep my away from the sewing machine because its just a big disaster.
i mean, don't worry, i can make a simple skirt or a pillow or something like that..but asking me to make anything difficult is a no go. its like the time denise promised theo she could copy the designer shirt.

oh this is so funny!
i appreciate the artistry and craftsmanship of things and i'll just stick to that. besides, i scored a killer piece of sharkskin that i want to design this clutch from. i think its too wonderful i should just keep my dirty paws off of it.


the dye took to it in this really rad rippling effect, which is totally killer bc it makes it that more part of the sea where it came from. i will have to post some pics of the design later-but i am totally going to go off of the sea aspect and make something very mcqueen-sea serpent -underworld of the atlantic.



best of all, i scored this whole baby for $10 in new york at Global Leathers!
woot!

monster in black tights

im pretty much on cloud 999
nothing like the chills to ride the feelin.

and if you would let them hold you

ha...sorry for the lame-o youtube treatment. but this song is all i want to listen to tonight.

going out of my mind

feeling called love

are we looking at the same moon?

...miles away......

spinning dreams with angel wings

how lucky am i that i get to see this?!
TIM BURTON

at moma
!!!!!!!!
i cant wait
!!!!!!!
i remember, in like 98 or 97 my bff, at the time (chrissy)-- hooked me up with this awesome tim burton book of poetry & illustrations, called.
the melancholy death of oyster boy.

i cherish this book to this very day. thinking about it, it was the first time someone had bought me a book and wrote in the inside. every time i open it i think about our friendship and these absolutely incredible illustrations and poems.

well this exhibit up at the moma contains illustrated work from this book as well as many paintings and a film series. peep the moma site for some info:
moma/timmy b
and plan a special visit to this very awesome exhibit on november 22

its not my fault if you dont change your mind

because it makes me think of you.

<3

holland, 1945

my sis natalie shared this with me-and i can't get over it.
keyboard cat is sure to cheer anyone up, especially when combined with a little bit of hall & oates.

just what i needed...

she fell in love with another

i met james through tasha when i was only 15. he would be my second boyfriend ever. i had just broken things off with micah over the telephone, whack, i know.
james wasn't really my type but i liked that about him. i loved that he listened to oldies & pop punk. we spent a lot of time in his mother's basement. he would take out his moms old 45s and play tommy james & the shondells , crimson & clover ,
over
& over
& over.
the first time he made me a mixtape, my heart peeled.
songs by the rentals, weezer, the queers, riverdales & groovie ghoulies. i listened to that tape day after day. we were so serious & talked about marriage. he was 3 years older than me and when he left for college, i thought my life would end.
until i met michael. but michael never made me a mixtape. those years were behind us. he burned me full length underground hip hop cds.
cds never took the same heat.

holy moley crapola. buy this fucking book. this just came out october 27th and i preordered it because duh, i am obsessed with mixtapes! the single, most pure form of devotion for the music lover..total goo gaga. i can't say enough good things about this book.
here's an excerpt on the book
Cassette From My Ex (St. Martin's Press, September, 2009)
They were into you, so they made you a tape. Today you don't have a cassette player, but you still can't toss that mix. We share the stories and the soundtrack to your earliest loves.

Cassette From My Ex explores the world of the mixtape and the place it holds in relationships past. The sentiment attached to the selection of music, carefully selected and more often than not fraught with meaning will never quite be lost. Before the days of CDs and iPods, mixtapes offered a way to say all the things that clumsy teenage words never could. A mixtape offers no option to neatly skip a song and so listening to a mixtape meant listening to the entire playlist start to finish. Writers have submitted mixtapes dug up and discovered in shoeboxes and storage spaces and provide stories to accompany them. Sweetly romantic, awkward, funny and/or sentimental, Bitner’s collection will awaken the nostalgia of his readers.

so are you still thinking about it?! you shouldn't be. bUY THIS book. IT WILL take you back.
ah, sweet james. i hope you're well, where ever you are. this book makes me think of you and your countless mixes you made and mailed back to me. thank you.

carry the zero

here's hopin you love built to spill as much as i do....
http://www.sendspace.com/file/rnqaz3

there is chivalry. it exists. magical. your talent thrills me. tonight. thank you. till we meet again. &. again.

you give me fever

so i don't know why its taken me this long to come across the awesomely talented julia deville, but i am happy to have found her now.

aside from her insane taxidermy pieces, she's jewelry artist as well. having a love for history, death, animals from a young age, she incorporates all of this into her work. her jewelry is particularly meaningful and quite romantic- inspired by jewelry of 14th-18th century, this idea that a piece of jewelry would be worn in wake of a death..a memento for a love loss, mourning jewelry. gorgeous pieces assembled from black diamonds, coffins and skulls. quite exquisite. just reading about the history of what inspires her jewelry is quite wonderful to think about from a costume design perspective. check out her website...you will definitely want to buy her out on everything. i adore the taxidermy work and love the egg repositories.
you'll find some of her jewelry incorporates actual taxidermy pieces, birds woven into broaches - just stunning.
her vision of death is also very wonderful to me. in many cultures, or different times, i find the way people except or honor death to be so fascinating. it gives you clarity and beauty. having dealt with the loss of a very close friend recently, i just can not forget his importance to me ..how he surrounds me and is a daily thought...i feel like in american culture its so traditional..the way death is handled. its interesting to think about her work and the way she identifies and only uses animals who have died of natural causes in her work...i even read that she donated her body once she dies.





i think i'd be crazy not to scoop something up from her. its by far some of the most unique pieces i've seen in a while.


for more info check out this awesome exhibition from acidolatte blog...
drink me!

my ideals have got me on the run.

up the down escalator

the end has no end

not saying we are cut from the same tree..

i can't decide if i am fully committed to this group yet. i think i have to throw on an album while i draw, late one night in order to determine how i completely feel. its too soon to tell for sure, but i'm more in the thumbs up realm & really excited. i did some reading on them, out of pure curiousity. i feel like music in this realm of animal collective, deerhunter, women, wavves , could possibly be the next big thing. noise rock-thrashy ambient instrumentals-low-fi punky-peculiar vocals, digital analog, = you really can't go wrong...
its like looking at a henry darger painting- and the soundtrack you would expect from something so innocently demented--which i think animal collective may even use as some of their artwork...but don't quote me on that.


all i know is i'm soooooo in to this cut, its not even funny. even this video is hype..totally more on the psychedelic realm and less noisy than the rest of the deerhunter stuff i've heard..

for me its almost an explosion of shoegaze and even sonic youth-and this mixture of things that is completely modern and exciting. its kinda where neutral milk hotel left off, call me crazy for saying it but!!!...its total current experimentation in music. RAD//DAD!

I’m alone in life to say

AM 180

ha! how funny, as i write a 2000 word essay for drama6a, due at 9am!

EEEEEEeeeeeEEeEeEeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!